I want to get a Mac

I recently resolved my issues with my Dell, but the fact that it took 10+ hours, 25 emails and 10+ online chat sessions with a technician who took control of my computer to finally realize (by accident) that my new computer didn't ship with an updated video codec is truly maddening. Not to mention the fact that I've gotten two late charges from Dell Financial. Apparently, mailing something from California to Texas takes more than six days.

Anyway, this has all left a really bad taste in my mouth as far as PCs are concerned.

For the first time in my life, I'm jealous of people with Macs.

I've always thought they looked cool, but it was in a detached sorta way. Like how you would look at a guy with a girlfriend who's a stripper. Sure, it would be nice at first, but you know you'd get annoyed with her really quickly. Plus, eventually she's gonna want to meet your parents, etc.

Now, I really want one. For real. I will get over my issues with the mice. I will buy all new software. I will be forced to associate with trendy people who hang out in coffee shops and drive Priuses. Why? Because when your Mac breaks, you call their customer service and talk to someone in Connecticut who is helpful and knows what they're talking about. End of story.

This is how Dell used to be. Five or six years ago, I had a problem with my computer and they decided to ship out a new part within ten minutes of me calling them. They were friendly and courteous in a mid-Western America sort of way.

Is this racist of me? Xenophobic? Basically, if you haven't read between the lines, I am saying that I like speaking to Americans with a firm grasp of the English language and a working knowledge of computers when mine breaks. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me, yet I feel like maybe I shouldn't say it out loud.

I don't hate foreigners, but I hate the company they work for that decided to save some money by routing their tech support calls half-way across the world to a bunch of unskilled workers with passable English who sit there with a script of responses. It's frustrating. If that makes me a bad person, sue me.

The people I spoke with were nice and courteous, but they didn't seem very knowledgable. I'm glad they are provided with a job that pays a decent wage. Again, I am assuming this to be the case, maybe Dell is ripping them off too.

OK, you know what? I take it all back. I don't want a Mac anymore. My PC works fine. And it was cheap. I think that's the real issue here. A comparable Mac would have cost me twice as much and that's before the 300 dollars or so I would have to spend on an Applecare program.

I guess it all comes down to me: I am cheap, so I got a cheap product. People want to spend less on their computers, so the computer companies export their production overseas to save money and pass on the savings to the consumer.

I guess when I said I want a Mac, what I meant was, I want out of this cycle. I want to pay more and get more. I want things at a premium. I want to be rich and mature. I want to wear vintage t-shirts, drink caffe lattes and punch girls in the face for fun. I want to show up at some random guy's funeral wearing a chicken costume and knock over the coffin and try and put on as much of a goddam puppet show with that corpse as I can put on before all his relatives tackle me.

Cuz that's living.

But you assholes wouldn't know anything about that.

(sorry I called you assholes)